Sexual Healing

By Jonti Searll

Sexual Energy is one of the most powerful energies we have. In fact it is the fundamental energy of who we are as this is what brought us into being, what gave us life. Our sexual energy impacts on every aspect of our lives. It influences our creativity, our personal power, our sense of self-worth and self-confidence, our general health and more. Because of this power we are able to use this energy for much more than we are generally aware of.

One example of this healing.

The highest and most we are is expressed through our ability to love and one of the surest manifestations of this love is its physical side. The deepest and darkest parts of us are also expressed in our sexuality. Using this energy in a healing context allows us to balance the dark and light side of our natures. Internal balance leads to external balance, a state of congruity between our inner and outer worlds. This balance is the goal of many esoteric and growth paths. What a wonderful path to travel, the road of sacred pleasure.

By learning to access and build this energy we are able to heal not only a range of sexual problems, but also so many related issues that are linked to self-worth, judgement, feeling stifled and unhappy as well as the physical manifestations of these conditions.

Sexual energy and creative energy are one and the same. Our creativity is expressed in 3 ways. The first is by being able to reproduce, to have babies. The second is artistic creativity, however we choose to express that. Some will draw or paint, others will sculpt or potter or play music, plant beautiful gardens. There are so many outlets for creative expression. The third aspect of this energy is to create ourselves and our lives the way we'd like them to be. This includes our relationships, jobs, friendships etc. A free flowing, healthily expressed sexuality contributes enormously to all aspects of creative expression.

The path of healing using our sexual energy offers a new paradigm. In the past the healing process has been linked to pain. If it doesn't hurt it doesn't work, no pain, no gain. Using the energy of sexuality we can use the power of gentleness to heal so much in a short space of time.

The attitude of society towards our genitals has led us to the belief that our genitals are often separate to the rest of us. My nose is always my nose but genitals are 'down there', 'private places'. This belief keeps us in a state of separation and prevents us from being complete.

Because of this we put all the events, thoughts and feelings that we don't want to look at in our genitals. We do this because it's safe. We know we're not going to our genitals for healing or growth or self-knowledge. Until we have integrated our genitals into ourselves we will never be complete or whole.

This is like having a shirt in the cupboard that we will never wear. Every time we open the cupboard we see that shirt and know we will never put it on. We might move house 10 times, lose weight, put on weight; we will never throw that shirt out.

On the path of healing and growth we will attend all manner of workshops and therapies, acknowledge the emotional patterns of our bodies and their physical manifestations. But we won't go to our genitals. This is our next challenge.

jontisearll@mweb.co.za Jonti Searll

Get Out of the Goal

By Jonti Searll

Orgasms are wonderful. I'd be the last person to deny that, having spent a large part of my adult life immersed in exploring, learning and teaching about pleasure. Often the focus of this has been orgasms. How to have one, or more, for those who struggle, for others it's how to have bigger, better, more... So many of the articles in the media are about orgasm, different types of orgasm, positions to have orgasms etc. To detour for a moment seeing we're talking about orgasms, women can have 4 types of vaginal orgasm, clitoral, G-spot, Deep Uterine and Blended Orgasms, mmm. But there's more. When sex is only about orgasm, about reaching the goal, we have a problem. A few problems to be exact. The biggest of these being that it becomes a performance.

And as soon as we have to perform, there's pressure. Our egos as givers and receivers are on the line. I have to make you come or something's wrong with me, you have to come or something's wrong with you. Then we put the success or failure of a sexual experience onto those few seconds, the average clitoral orgasm for a woman lasts about 30 -40 seconds, slightly less for a man, onto those moments. If it doesn't happen we failed. The judgement we put on the experience is so small, so limited and often the pressure so great that we forget the original goal, PLEASURE. If it's all about that goal, that's what we focus on, often to the exclusion of everything else. The everything else includes the rest of the body, not just the genitals; it includes sensuality, communication, touching, caressing, intimacy, love and so many other things. It becomes a journey, not a destination and the old saying, the journey is the destination, becomes so true. Unfortunately we're struggling against so many forces. Everything in life has become based on performance, on goals, on time management. If you can't come in the whatever time we've allotted for this, well, sorry babe, my emails/facebook/soccer/whatever's calling.

Once again I'll say that orgasms are fantastic. But there's more. There's the wonder of exploring someone's body, of learning about their secret places, of waking new places up, of delicious sensation, of luxuriating in a caress, of getting lost in a bubble of intimacy, of simply being. Orgasm as verb instead if noun, orgasm as a state of being. Not having an orgasm, but being orgasmic, being pleasure. Being there. Because when we're focussing on the goal, we're doing what we have to do to get there. We're not in the moment. Then comes the sometimes minefield of technique, how to get there. Well, we know or we don't. And if we don't then more times than not there's something wrong with you, not with what I'm doing. Nobody else ever complained, nobody else ever had this problem.

Right! A while ago I received a phone call from a guy who said that not one or even two women, but three, had told him he knows nothing about women's bodies. Do you think he came to learn? We do the same thing over and over often because it's what we know, regardless of whether it works or not. Another big problem with sex always ending a particular way is conditioning. We're so used to it, to having orgasms, beside everything else it's become a habit. We feel something's missing. But that changes fast when we're willing to explore other possibilities. The first time most men have an orgasm and don't ejaculate they walk around with this amazing smile for hours, sometimes days. Something new and something wow. Remember the goal, the original goal, pleasure.

jontisearll@mweb.co.za Jonti Searll

Female Masturbation - Listen to Your Body and Explore

By John J. Foley

Female masturbation is shrouded in much more mystery than male masturbation. Because women's genitals are more hidden than men's, and because women are typically taught to be ashamed or embarrassed of them, many women don't learn until they are older that female masturbation is a healthy and sexually liberating part of any woman's sex life.

It is seen as normal that guys masturbate, but for a woman to do it is something different, but in fact I really don't know how to explain it. Female masturbation techniques are quite numerous and much more varied than those of males. For females masturbation is a form of sex with no risk of disease, pregnancy or emotional upset available almost anytime.

For many women, this can be one of the best ways to get to climax, and to experience a very self satisfying orgasm. If you have a better understanding of what your body does when it is stimulated you can appreciate the delicate balance of touch and pressure.

Although there are various female masturbation techniques, most women learn to orgasm by manual stimulation of the clitoris. Take two fingers and explore the parts of their sexual anatomy, paying close attention to what feels good. Even though popular songs, movies, and television shows make mention of female masturbation, or the use of vibrators, it is not a common topic of discussion. Madonna's touching of her genitals on stage was seen more as an obscene gesture than as a public display of a normal sexual act.

A common misconception of women is that because they have a partner, they do not feel they should have to; or if they are single, masturbating would substantiate their single status. If they were not single, they would not have to masturbate.

There seems to be more open discussions and social acceptance of male masturbation because (after all "men think about sex all the time.").But the fact is women also have sexual needs to fulfill, and masturbation is a healthy way to satisfy those needs. Even though women don't necessesarily feel the urgency to masturbate that men do, but then again No two women are alike.

Today we are much freer, but there are still few women who admit to masturbating, though 45% masturbate regularly. Why is masturbation something to feel guilty or embarrassed about? The most sensitive part of most women's bodies is the clitoris. Learning about how it can be used to maximize sexual pleasure is an essential part of masturbation and lovemaking.

It has always been noted by analytic writers from Freud onwards that the attitude women have about masturbation differs from that of men. Freud remarks, for instance, that whereas a man would probably not hesitate to use masturbation when no other means of sexual gratification are available to him, a woman would be less likely to do so. What should be done is to look at what women are actually experiencing, what they enjoy, when they orgasm--and then draw conclusions. In other words, researchers and others (uninformed partners?) must stop telling women what they should feel sexually, and start asking them what they do feel sexually. The secret of female masturbation is simply to get in touch with the pleasure your body can produce. Listen to your body and to explore what you enjoy.

Article Written By J. Foley

J. Foley Has A Site Devoted To This Topic. If You Want To Read More About Female Masturbation, You Can Go Here

Where is the Clitoris - Easy to Follow Guide

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Role Play Ideas - The Massage Parlor

By Greg O Simpson

Role Play is an excellent tool to use in your sexual repertoire. Role Play gives you the ability to become someone else, either to help you lose your inhibitions or just to have a different kind of fun in the bedroom. One role play idea that we like is the Massage Parlor, with you as the "Client" and your lover as the "Masseuse/Masseur."

To act out this fantasy you have to think about a shady massage parlor, located down a dark stairwell, in a back alley, advertising free "special touches."

The stereotypical massage parlor is often a front for a full on brothel. But how would you know that, you're just a country bumpkin in the big city looking to try out same city life luxuries. You just want to get yourself a nice relaxing massage after a long day of sightseeing. Of course, the typical massage parlor massage is pretty basic, but you wouldn't know that either, since you have never actually experienced a massage before. You just go in with your naive little mind thinking nothing of it.

You didn't really think too much about it when the entrance of the parlor is in a dark stairwell, in a back alley. You think to yourself, "Hey, big city rentals are expensive. You take what you can get." You are, however, a little surprised by the dimly lit facilities and simple curtains separating the different stations. It must be a pretty good place though because it sounds like all the other clients are really enjoying themselves.

You go into your curtained "room" and get undress and lie on the table. When the masseuse/masseur comes in you are amazed by their good looks. They could easily win the Beauty Queen Contest at the country fair. You are even more amazed at how good they are with their hands once they begin your massage.

They work over your entire body, your legs, your arms, your back, your neck. It feels great and you are starting to lose yourself in their capable hands (remember, you don't know what a professional massage feels like). And then, they start to focus their attention on your buttocks. "Wow! Never expected that," you think to yourself. "But it does feel really good. I guess they do it all the time. Must be a big city thing." As they work they get even more focused on your privates, but because you are a little...lost in translation...you don't even seem to notice.

They are gently rubbing you down there when you finally come back down to earth. "Whoa, hold on! Is this normal?" you ask. "Of course. Everyone does it...and its all included." You're not so sure, but you are pretty aroused and the special attention really does feel amazing. "Well, okay then, but keep it professional," you say hesitantly. "Absolutely, we are here to make you happy."

Your arousal continues to climb quickly while you try to "keep it professional," but of course, you find it difficult to keep still as your sexual energy skyrockets. When the masseuse/masseur starts to blow on your privates you are completely amazed that city folk engage in this sort of thing. No wonder there are so many people in the cities. You like it!

Your mind is spinning, so when they start sucking on you, you are more than accepting. In fact, you lend them a helping hand. Suddenly, after a few minutes, it all stops!

You look up and your masseuse/masseur is removing their uniform. They look you in the eyes, climb up on top of the table and...

Even though you are just a country bumpkin, we're sure you can figure out what to do next.

A great way to set this role play up is to use colored light bulbs (red works well) and set up strings to hold up some curtains around a massage table. Get some good massage oil and let the rest take care of itself. Of course, to be fair, you should really consider switching roles on another day.

If you would like to try your hand at role play but don't have any other ideas, why not take one of ours. Get the Gentle Encounters Spa Coupons, give them to your lover and see where passions flow. This article is written by Greg Simpson, one half of a very orgasmic couple. Men and Women, You can become more orgasmic too, alone or as a couple. We are dedicated to helping committed, loving couples improve their sex lives. Visit http://www.orgasmsforlife.com and sign up to get our excellent content and newsletter.