By Jet Ambrosio
With the steady flood of products and toys geared especially for women, O's have seemed like the end-all-and-be-all of sex. Guys long to serve Eve the most explosive, awe-inspiring, multiple climaxes, for they have hinged their competence as lovers on these -- highly elusive heavenlies that last for but a few seconds.
Orgasms are highly overrated. Many women don't even get to experience them during sex and end up faking it.
Granted, an O is one of the most blissful moments of a human being's existence, but there is something more exhilarating, more elegant and more beautiful than a few seconds of pure joy. . .
It's the JOURNEY to that climax!
(The peak and the journey are different, though very much related.)
My friend Marie, a French tour guide, had it right when she said that the mistake tourists make, when they fly to her country and see the famed Eiffel Tower, is appreciate the journey that took them right at the foot of the historic edifice. "It just takes a few seconds to marvel at the whole thing! But it takes a few months, even a whole lifetime to get you and your family standing in front of it," she said.
Marie goes on to say that these people should have appreciated the PROCESS of getting there. Saving up money for the trip, booking with their travel agent, and flying to a foreign land. Each of these could have been a blast. They should have talked to strangers in the plane and get themselves invited for coffee when they land. They should have really opened their eyes to see the beauty and history plastered at the quaint hotel they're checked in.
"They're swimming in our culture and all they can think of is the EiffelTower!"
Inevitably, many tourists get disappointed when they finally get to the place, when after a few minutes of smiling for souvenir pictures, the old radio tower quickly gets old and turns mundane. That's it?, they'd say.
And this is exactly what those who have summit Mt. Everest told me. It takes years of training, finding sponsors, buying equipment to ascent the highest mountain in the world, but it only takes a few seconds to take in the view at the top. A few seconds to savor your life's journey. (One can't stay too long at the summit even if one wanted to, not only because there are others who want to stand in your place, a terrible weather could be just around the corner.)
All this relates to sex and the business of shooting for orgasms. As couples focus and over-emphasize the value of climaxes, they tend forget the beauty of the journey. They hurry and breeze through the foreplay in order to get into the specific motions that serve up these coveted heavenlies.
But great sex is rarely about goals. . .it will always be about process.
And here's the kicker: Big, full-bodied orgasms are achieved by giving due diligence to PROCESS. Explosive climaxes are not instant ones, they are those nurtured over minutes of soulful foreplay, teasing and tension building. Stimulation of the vulval area, for example, cannot come without stimulating first the rest of her body, and of course, her mind.
The build towards big orgasms begins even before the clothes have fallen, before candles are lit, before the first touch, and before the first kiss. It begins with ANTICIPATION, that sexy call from the office, that naughty note posted on the rear view mirror -- long before the actual 'naughtiness' begins.
You have to make these distant and outlying connections, they are very much in the center of orgasmic success. The journey, that's what determines the value of orgasms. The explosive climax is really just the last part of the dance, the natural outcome of little things leading to the peak.
Mr. Jet Ambrosio is the acclaimed author of the EVE TRILOGY - the indispensable manual for Men. BOOK (1): SEX!: The Biggest SHE-crets BOOK (2): The Book of Forgotten SEX MOVES BOOK (3): BEYOND PENETRATION Check them out at (http://www.evetrilogy.com) . . . but only if you got 7 minutes to spare! |