By Levi Reiss
We modestly offer sex advice consisting of short alphabetical pieces. We aim to improve your sex life. Each article includes at least two positive and two negative suggestions, based on words that you never thought were sexy. Review these proposals and schemes before closing your door on the way out, and once again before opening your zipper on the way in.
Guide. There are so many guidebooks and guidelines that you need a guide to guide you through them. Their advice is often good, but what do you do when facing a contradiction? Forget the Contra, go for the Dick In.
Gutsy. It's good to be gutsy, but if you are too gutsy maybe you should go on a diet. Actually, you might want to dye it. That would be gutsy. You could also dye your gutsy.
Hunk. Ask around. Half the population wants a hunk. The other half couldn't care less. Or could it? Maybe they are just jealous. In the old days Hunkie (Hunky?) was a racist term for Hungarians and their European neighbors. I don't think you hear that much today. That's just hunky-dory (fine) by me. And you can bet that Dory wants a Hunk.
Hip. If you are hip and love hip hop you've go a chance to hop. What hops a lot? Bunnies. What xxxs a lot? Bunnies. I've eaten hip of beef, but never hip of rabbit. Is there a hip of rabbit? Be hip. When you are out to dine you may suggest hare, you may suggest rabbit, but don't ever suggest bunny. Or your post-dining pleasures will be alone. And the only hip will be your own.
And now for some things to avoid.
Gun. One connection between guns and sex is the possibility of protecting your loved ones. If you have guns, make sure to follow safety regulations. You may want to go to target practice together. But don't ever, ever get mad if your partner is better than you. And don't make a gun part of your lovemaking routine. Even if it's not loaded.
Hurry. What's the rush? As they said in Latin class, Ubi Ignis? (Where's the fire?) And when you reach the point where there is a fire in a very choice neighborhood don't rush to put it out. Let it smolder. Let it smoke. Let it burn. So hurry down to your favorite place to see if you can't get a little brushfire started.
Levi Reiss has authored or co-authored ten books on computers and the Internet, but to be honest, he would rather just drink fine wine, eat fine food, and enjoy life. He teaches classes in computers at an Ontario French-language community college. Among his many web sites he is particularly proud of his new site celebrating all kinds of love including physical love at http://www.sexsexesex.com - You will find a wide range of jokes, articles, and quotes devoted to various aspects of sex and a great collection of photos. If you don't know French, enjoy the translations. Check out his global wine website at http://www.theworldwidewine.com with his new weekly column reviewing $10 wines. |
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