Passionate Sex Forever - Part I - Secrets You Need to Know

By Stephanie Buehler, Psy.D.

Are you one of those people who mistakenly believe that passionate sex only happens between strangers? While it's true that new lovers may experience heightened excitement, lovers together a long time can experience great passion, too. In this first of a three part series on passionate sex in long-term relationships, you can learn some secrets for keeping an intimate physical connection alive in your relationship.

First, you need to be able to let your partner know what's on your mind. How can your partner know that you're a little tired or bored of the same old sexual routine if you don't share your thoughts and feelings? Yes, it may hurt your partner's feelings a little if you tell the truth, but better to discuss it than to go outside the relationship or let it cause passion to keep dwindling. Just assure your partner that your intention is positive. Tell him or her that your goal is to have a more satisfying sexual relationship for both of you.

Second, use scientific research in your favor. Brain scientists and psychologists will tell you that when you first fall in love, a chemical called dopamine rises in the brain. This chemical gives you a feeling of reward when you are with your lover, and especially when you have sex. But you can keep this rewarding feeling going by doing novel things with your lover. Your brain loves surprise and change.

A lot of people think this means having "vacation sex," but while vacation sex can certainly spice things up, there are ways to have vacation sex more often. Just trying a new type of lubricant (there are always new ones coming onto the market), a new toy, or an old toy in a new way (men: have you tried toys?) can make sex more novel and delightful.

Third, be open-minded yourself. One of the reasons you may not want to share your need for change with your partner is that you, yourself, are a bit hesitant to do something new. After all, the current way is comfortable, and it's worked for so long-isn't it easy to tell yourself that? Be willing to find out what your partner thinks could be fun, sexy, or loving to try, and then try it. If it turns out you enjoyed it, too, great! If not, great! At least by taking a risk, you and your partner may trust each other and be more willing to try new things together.

And if you want to learn more about passionate sex, Dr. Stephanie Buehler has written a free e-book, "Sexual Discovery: 25 Secrets for Incredible Passion," available at http://www.yourpassionexpert.com Dr. Buehler is a licensed psychologist and sex therapist in private practice at http://www.thebuehlerinstitute.com where she works with individuals and couples seeking better sex. She is frequently quoted in the media and is available for interviews and speaking.