By Isabella Kratz
"Did you come?" can be a dreaded question to many ears. We feel embarrassed, ashamed that we didn't make it, and prefer not to admit it to our partner, as we don't want to disappoint him or her. For many people, sex has become a stressful, competitive, and goal-oriented exercise. Instead of being an opportunity for people to relax and enjoy each other's company, it often doesn't bring them together, but pushes them apart, due to excessively high expectations on both sides.
A performance-oriented attitude is detrimental to sexual fulfillment, as it produces tension and fear. It's the fear of not being able to do it, or not being good enough. This type of anxiety will prevent us from enjoying what we're doing, and it can even prevent us from climaxing. If we can't let go, we won't be able to have a big "O". This is because we need to be totally relaxed to be able to experience the intense stimulation that will lead to a paroxysm. The pressure to have an orgasm does more damage than good to our sex life and our relationship.
So what's the real purpose of sex?
Our real objective is to enjoy this special time with our partner, and to show our love and devotion to him or her. Sex is about giving and receiving. We can look into each other's eyes, and whisper into each other's ears. We can even have a laugh! To enjoy sex means to enjoy a bond of intimacy with our partner. It's an opportunity to become closer, and an orgasm is only an added bonus. Making love is even more pleasurable, when the main focus is on kissing, stroking, caressing, and massaging. This can last for hours, while sex in the usual sense may only last for a few minutes. Let's focus on foreplay, instead of focusing on the outcome.
Whatever happens happens. It's not compulsory to have an orgasm. We can definitely enjoy sex, whether we achieve this goal or not.
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