By Susan Derry
Your sexual relationship can give you feedback on the state of your relationship. If you think that you have great sex, but a poor relationship, you may be fooling yourself. Perhaps you are both having orgasms, but if the rest of your relationship is strained or empty, your sex life will not leave you feeling fulfilled either.
Also if you think that your relationship is great but you have a sexual problem, you may be fooling yourself as well. Perhaps there is no conflict in your relationship, but that does not necessarily mean that both partner's needs are being met.
Your love life is an intricate part of your relationship. The interplay between the state of your relationship and the state of your love life is unavoidable.
Here are some thoughts and ideas about what your sex live could be saying about you:
IF: You make excuses for not having sex and when you finally agree are easily distracted and turned off.
THEN: You may tend to avoid dealing with issues that come up. You tend take life very seriously and may have a hard time having fun.
IF: You are always looking for reassurance that what you are doing during sex is pleasing your partner.
THEN: You may find it difficult to say "no" to people or to assert yourself. You have to be liked and accepted by others and don't want to be alone.
IF: You put up with sex, usually giving little or no verbal or physical response, often experiencing no orgasm.
THEN: You may have stuffed away much resentment and are probably holding several grudges. You may have shut off your emotions to protect yourself.
IF: You are loud and aggressive during sex. Dominate your partner and play rough.
THEN: You may find it very difficult to be vulnerable. You have to be in charge of things and can be temperamental and cynical.
IF: You relax into lovemaking and allow your self to flow with the moment.
THEN: You most likely trust and accept yourself. You are willing to be open and vulnerable.
Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.P.C. |
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