Passionate Sex Forever, Part II - Secrets You Should Know

By Stephanie Buehler, Psy.D.

Whether you've been with your partner three years or 30 years, you've probably noticed that sexual curiosity and interest have dwindled. Most people know that this is natural. After all--for better or worse--you have other things to do and think about besides sex when you've been together for a long time.

Sadly, some people think that dwindling passion means that something is wrong in the relationship. That's a mistake. What it really means is that it's time to do something different. As in Part I of "Passionate Sex Forever," here are some vital ways to keep sex hot year after year.

An absolute requirement is that you make sure that sex is an important part of your relationship. Now, partners sometimes differ in just how important sex is; to one partner, it's the whole point of a relationship, to another it's only a small piece of being together.

But that doesn't matter. What's critical is that you decide together that spending time making love keeps your relationship lively. Don't sit around waiting for sparks to spontaneously fly, either. After all, if you have tickets to a ball game or a concert, you don't look forward to it any less, do you? So schedule time for sex--really show that it's a priority.

And don't forget to flirt. One couple I know has a long-standing joke. The husband is always interested in sex, the wife not so much. He frequently asks for sex, and sometimes she does say, "Not now." Five minutes later, he'll ask, "Now?" Then 10 minutes later: "Now?" Then 12 hours later. Then a day later. Fortunately, she gets the joke and chuckles along. But the fact that he's flirting with her by letting her know how often he's interested in making love to her keeps the connection going. Can you think of a flirty little routine that the two of you could use to keep things warm until you can make time to make love?

Affection is another important part of keeping sex at the forefront of a long-term relationship. Many people complain that their partner, once cuddly and available, has become distant. They feel lucky to get a peck on the cheek. So hold hands when you watch TV. Give each other a real hug in the morning after you've taken a shower. Put your arms around each other when you're walking in the mall. Then it won't feel so awkward when you find your way between the sheets.

And if you want to learn more about passionate sex, Dr. Stephanie Buehler has written a free e-book, "Sexual Discovery: 25 Secrets for Incredible Passion," available at http://www.yourpassionexpert.com - Dr. Buehler is a licensed psychologist and sex therapist in private practice at http://www.thebuehlerinstitute.com - where she works with individuals and couples seeking better sex. She is frequently quoted in the media and is available for interviews and speaking.