The Pros and Cons of Having Sex Too Soon After a Divorce

By Danielle L. Taylor

The decision to have a sexual relationship soon after getting a divorce is realistically one that should take a bit of thought first, but as we know, sometimes things don't always go precisely as planned, which is already evident by the preceding divorce as no one ever plans that. It's also true that everyone's needs and emotions are different, and everyone heals differently from an emotional life changing event like divorce. However, statistics do show that in general, men are usually ready for a new sexual relationship after a divorce sooner than women are.

It's no secret that sex does tend to complicate things, particularly in a situation where both people already know one another and the relationship had always been a platonic one up until now. And, as far as "sex with a stranger" or having a quick fling is concerned, with the prevalence of sexually transmitted diseases today, this shouldn't even be an option, especially if you have children who are relying on you. There's absolutely no way to tell if a person has an STD simply by looking at them, so having safe sex each and every time is the only way to ensure you'll be protected.

This isn't to say you must enter the convent or the monastery just because you have kids, but rather use some common sense by thinking with your head first, not your hormones, easier said than done perhaps, but imperative nonetheless. Whether or not casual sex would even be something you'd consider will also depend on several existing factors, such as your religious background, your personal beliefs, and also your personal history.

For many people, getting back out into the dating scene as soon as possible is high on their list of priorities, for a number of reasons, and especially if they weren't the one who initiated or wanted the divorce. Both men and women do need plenty of reassurance after the rejection that comes along with being told your spouse doesn't want to be married to you anymore, and for some, sex with a new person is one way to get it. Being left, dumped, abandoned, or however you want to put it, wreaks havoc on one's self esteem, self confidence, their psyche, and also the way they feel about themselves sexually.

According to most therapists and counselors, it takes at least a full year to two years to completely heal emotionally from getting a divorce. Many people are extremely vulnerable during this time so you'll want to make sure you examine your reasons for having sex right after a divorce. Wanting to have sex for the sake of having sex after a divorce is perfectly natural, provided you realize that's what it is and don't read anything else into it and run the risk of getting hurt once again. Post-divorce sex can basically go one of two ways, depending on where you are emotionally and how you're coping with the breakup of your marriage, as it can either be a satisfying experience with no regrets, or unfortunately, have the direct opposite effect.

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