Sudoku Or Sex?

By Diana Daffner

I admit it, I am a creature of habit. That makes me pretty normal, since most of us behave in habitual ways day in and day out. We all know that some habits - even addictions - are healthy, effective and good for us while others are not. Some help us feel happy and connected to our inner joy, others don't.

So which is Sudoku, the numbers puzzle that now appears in daily newspapers alongside the ubiquitous word games and crossword puzzles? When I first saw Sudoku, I immediately recognized the inherent danger of addiction.

Already slightly burdened by a recurring tendency to take Solitaire breaks while writing at my computer, I wasn't sure it was a good idea to look further into this Sudoku craze. Nonetheless, I found myself reading about it, even experimenting a little. Luckily, at least at first, it seemed way too complex and linear for me, not worth the time and effort to learn...until I found myself on an airplane, sitting next to someone filling out the boxes in the airline magazine! With a couple of helpful tips from her, I was up and running - once I could locate a puzzle not already filled in by another passenger!

For those of you not yet bitten, Sudoku consists of nine boxes in each of nine squares, all yearning to be filled out with a number from one to nine. Each puzzle starts off with a few boxes filled in, the rest is up to you. It's a process of impeccable logic, since the numbers can only appear once in each square, column and row. Each time you discover a correct number, there's a little jolt of dopamine, the feel-good energy chemical that our brain produces in moments of heightened arousal.

In Sudoku, when there's a run, one number leading to another, the feeling of satisfaction spurs you on to find another. A sense of purposeful and focused attention adds to the buzz, the charge. In fact, the mental activity required by Sudoku is said to be good for our brains, perhaps even retarding the development of Alzheimer's!

But any fun habit or innocent hobby can inch its way toward being harmful if it takes up time that could be better spent elsewhere. Sudoku is Japanese for "single number." When finding that next single number became more important than making love with my husband, I knew I had been hooked.

Our relationship means a great deal to me. Why was I poring over empty boxes to find the next number, while my lover lay by my side unattended to, unnoticed?

Is it that the pleasure in hand is worth two in the bush? (Pun intended.)

We are all prone to use escape valves now and then. It is human nature.

Whenever we start a project, we consciously or unconsciously invite creative energy to flow into our system. Often that energy surprises us with its power. We're not ready for it. We flinch and take a break, in order to lessen the pressure. Unfortunately, when the break we take rewards us with an energy pulse as well, we sometimes forget to return to the project we had originally committed ourselves to!

And I am definitely committed to keeping my love relationship on a vibrant level! Typically, the rush associated with lovemaking is focused on the orgasm, the climax, the pinnacle, the completion. However, there is another benefit of lovemaking - another reward, that has a different kind of addictive quality. Lovemaking can bring about the feeling of being so joyously connected in your heart and the heart of your partner that they beat as one, catapulting you together into a state of blissful being.

So what is it about Sudoku that kept me glued to the page last night rather than to my husband? One reason I stayed with the puzzle was the same for any addiction that holds on to us. I was seduced by those automatic chemicals released in my brain.

And... I had momentarily forgotten how important our loving is - how it fills us both with such incredible happiness. To offset this forgetting - which happens so easily - my husband and I actually make calendar entries for daily lovemaking! We've developed a Tantra practice called "Peaceful Passion" that is easy and effortless and takes only ten minutes a day. (Tantra, a spiritual path that embraces sexuality, and Sudoku both have roots extending way back in history!)

Along with dopamine, the brain chemicals released during our Peaceful Passion lovemaking include oxytocin, the love hormone. As with Sudoku, we are often kept engaged longer than we intended. But since there is nothing in life more important to experience than love, this is an addiction which is good, healthy and effective in creating a lasting and loving relationship.

Sex or Sudoku? What's on YOUR schedule?

Diana Daffner, M.A., with her husband Richard, leads Intimacy Retreats for couples. These romantic vacation/workshops focus on the integrating of phsyical, emotional and spiritual connection. She is the author of Tantric Sex for Busy Couples: How to Deepen Your Passion in Just Ten Minutes a Day. See http://www.IntimacyRetreats.com.